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Beyond the Bruises: Supporting Women Survivors of Domestic Violence

Despite many non-profit organizations working tirelessly to stop the epidemic of domestic violence or offer support services to survivors, the statistics are still mind-boggling. Every minute, close to 20 individuals in the United States are subjected to domestic violence by an intimate partner. This translates to a shocking 10 million people every year! While anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, numbers consistently show that women are more likely to experience this kind of abuse than men. 1 in 4 females experience severe beating or assault from their intimate male partners, making domestic abuse one of the leading causes of injury to women. You or someone you know may have experienced it too, and you probably know this…

Domestic Violence Can Make the World Feel Like a Sad, Lonely Place

You see, home is considered a space of love and happiness. It’s, therefore, in human nature to find it uncomfortable to paint home as a place of pain and unpleasant problems like abuse and violence. That’s why many women living in unhealthy relationships don’t want to talk about it. The majority are afraid that people will judge them for talking ill about their spouses. Others fear that nobody would believe them. And some are scared that the abuser might retaliate. This fear of the unknown rips the victims from the inside out. It strips them of their sense of self, leaving them feeling alone, isolated, and less of a person. For most victims, this interferes with every aspect of their life, including their mental and physical health, mothering, and social networks.

It Affects the Kids Too

Unfortunately, intimate partner violence does not only hurt the victim; it does a number on the children involved, as well. They may not be directly physically abused, but the stress of the whole situation could cause lasting physical and psychological effects. Kids who constantly witness family violence have increased stress and anxiety levels. It impacts their mental health and makes learning in school difficult. Such children may also be at a higher risk of being violent to their spouses in the future.

How Can You Help?

If you suspect someone you know is being abused, let them know you’ve noticed. Note, however, that they may not be willing to open up about their situation right away. Even then, let them know they’re not alone and that they can talk to you no matter how or when they decide to speak their truth. Don’t try to force the conversation out of them; let it unfold at a natural, comfortable pace. If the individual does decide to share their experience, actively listen without being judgmental. Do not suggest solutions or offer advice, just let them vent their feelings. You may ask clarifying questions or make validating statements, but mainly give the person ample time to fully express themselves. You’ll also want to let them know you believe their story. Often, abusers end up being the people we least suspect – you know, that charming guy who is always the life of the party or dotes on their partner in public! Unfortunately, their dark side is only visible to the victim.  It’s imperative, therefore, that you express your trust in the person’s story. For most domestic abuse victims, finally having someone who really sees them and what they’re going through can instill feelings of hope, relief, and optimism.

What You Cannot Do

Do NOT point fingers at the person or blame them for not walking away from the abusive relationship. Sure, it can be tempting to ask them “Why don’t you just leave?” or “Why didn’t you say anything?” But hey, life isn’t that simple. Leaving an abusive relationship or confiding in someone about what one is going through takes a lot of courage and strength. Often, there are many obstacles to the victim of domestic violence leaving the perpetrator – fear, threats, humiliation, financial abuse, children, homelessness, the list is endless. Unless you’re in their shoes, you can never really know why this person chooses to stay. Also, keep in mind that leaving an abusive partner can be incredibly dangerous. There’s a huge possibility of violence after separation, and for many women in unhealthy relationships, the fear that things may get worse when they leave is very real. Instead of asking why they can’t just walk away, listen to them, validate their feelings, and help them make the best decision about their situation. And if they eventually decide to leave, be there to help them come up with a safe exit plan.

Reclaiming Power and  Independence Through Transitional Housing

Abusers typically use threats and violence to exercise control and dominance over their partners and detach them from friends and support networks. Consequently, women who have fled violent relationships will often have very little financial resources and just a handful of friends to help them start over. The majority end up alone in second-rate accommodations, or even worse, on the streets. Also, many landlords consider domestic violence survivors high-risk prospects. They anticipate police presence, property damage, and a high likelihood of the unit being abruptly vacated. And indeed, survivors of domestic violence may carry along a history of lease violations, eviction, ruined credit, housing-related debt, and inconsistent employment records, and it’s easy to see why landlords may be less inclined to rent to them. For years, this housing instability and the fear of becoming homeless, have led to many women choosing to stay in violent relationships.

Purpose on Purpose Hopes to Change That

We provide women recovering from domestic abuse with a one-year housing program so they can find a secure place to call home as they stabilize and transition into independent living. Moreover, we offer an intensive recovery program that promotes healing for these women and empowers them to become self-sufficient. We want to make sure women are not being forced to stay in violent relationships, live in substandard housing options, or go back to their abusers for fear of becoming homeless. Support us to continue providing a safe haven for these incredible women and adding Purpose to their life.
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